Saturday, April 4, 2009

Weekend Entertainment

I'm looking for a car (a horrible experience, if anyone has any pointers to make it less annoying--please help me) so I have been checking, autotrader, and Craigslist fairly often. Today, In frustration I decided to wander out of the car+truck category on Craigslist. I spent the next 60 minutes laughing at many of the items for sale, and the effort being put into selling them.

Seriously, some of the stuff people try to sell--it’s ridiculous! I'm all about the idea that one man's trash is another man's treasure, but really, just post it for free or give it to DI. Are you really going to use that one dollar you are charging for the plastic cup from Disneyland? I know the economy isn't in the greatest shape, but really.....

Anyway, I had a good time laughing at people's attempt to sell junk, and even the attempts to sell legitimate items. I also noticed that Craigslist has a personals section--I've never really thought that people used this medium to get a date, but it looks like I was wrong. Some of the personals made me cry I was laughing so hard--that might classify me as a mean person.

Here are a few of my favorites:

1/4 Karat Wedding Ring--Must sell ASAP
I have a white gold, size 6 wedding ring that I must sell!!! I got divorced and I really need the money from this ring. It was retailed to be around $1700, so this is a steal!!! I WILL NOT SHIP THIS ANYWHERE, AND WILL ONLY ACCEPT CASH IN PERSON!!!
I kind of feel bad for her ex-husband, hopefully it hasn’t been too long since the split.

$1700 ring selling for $1200. Tension Set. 3/4 Carrat Moissanite Diamond, with 2 Alexandrite stones on each side. Had only Two weeks. Need to sell badly. If interested call Wain.
I’m sorry Wain, that stinks she didn’t say yes.

Graphic Design Trade:
In these tough economic times, it's sometimes easier to just trade for things you need. I am a professional graphic designer in the advertising and marketing industry. If you are in need of something designed to look better, I'm your man.
Here's a few things I'm in need of:
1. Brown leather couch and love seat
2. Macbook
3. Dressers for my kid's rooms
4. Flat screen TV
5. Trailer
For wanting an easy trade, those are pretty specific things.

Unlocking the Doctrine and Covenants -- A side by side commentary - $15
Brand new book, never been used, just don't need it. Email Sharon (retail $24.95.)
Apparently Sharon is already an expert on the Doctrine and Covenants.

1/2 size violin - $50
1/2 size violin perfect for 6-8 year old. I bought this for my son, but his grandma bought him a more expensive one so he doesn't need it. The violin plays well and comes with a bow. A great starter instrument without paying a lot.
Thanks Grandma.

Time Magazine back issues - $2
Time magazine issues from July 4, 2005 to August 15, 2005. Buy each for $2 each.
This seller took pictures of each individual magazine to post on the ad. The whole cost- benefit ratio of this set up just puzzles me.

This is NOT your neighbor’s vinyl lettering!! - $3
Tired of the same quotes at each of your neighbor’s houses? Vinyl Lettering and Vinyl Decals is the coolest thing in home decor right now, but everyone seems to have the same quote! Well this is NOT your neighbor’s vinyl!! Our one of a kind designs are sure to give you the look and saying you've been wanting.
I’m not a home owner, but I didn’t know the next “keeping up with the Jones’s” item was vinyl lettering.

Not your grandma's KEYBOARD - $175
This is no wimpy keyboard...this is the REAL thing. I used it in my band a few times and it's amazing. YAMAHA Digital Keyboard with LCD screen and PEDAL. 5 Octaves with two large built in speakers. No stand. Works perfectly! I love it but I'm getting married and need the space. $175 cash only please
Do grandmother’s typically have wimpy keyboards?

need 1 conference ticket for sunday afternoon
we are looking for 1 conference ticket for sunday afternoon. please call.
Apparently these folks aren’t content to freeze outside hoping to find someone with an extra ticket at the conference center. Craigslist is good for everything!

And my ‘Personal’ Favorites:

Lets have a beer and watch the conference - 34 (slc)
That was a title of a 34 year old male seeking female’s post. Yes, he’s talking about general conference. Funny.

seeking American wife - 28
Hello, I am a nice man from China who is seeking a nice American woman for a long term relationship leading to marriage. You have to be loyal, honest and willing to communicate by e-mail firstly. I m6.0' tall and 185 pounds with yellow skin, black hair and black eyes. I am in US, loving to meet someone who I am compatible with and makes my heart smile. If you are looking for the same thing and might be interested in getting to know me, send a message and we can see where it leads. Let’s begin with having a cup of coffee.
I’m so glad this man seeking an American wife is so open about his intentions. Thanks for your honesty! But does she really have to be American?

And this is my favorite post of all, the epitome of a return missionary with a ‘checklist.’

Single LDS RM - 20

I am currently living in Cedar City, but will soon be moving to the Provo/Orem area for school. I will be attending UVU with my major in deaf studies. Dating is a wonderful way of getting to meet new people, but I don't want to have to sit in the institute building for hours a day before I finally get someone interested. So here is a little bit about me. I am 5'8" and weigh about 140 lbs. I'm by no means a movie nut, but I enjoy a good movie from time to time. I like pretty much anything, but "chick flicks" are generally my favorites. A Walk to Remember and Titanic are a couple of my all time favorites. I am a very optimistic person who believes everyone has something to live for, regardless of what experiences your life may have held. I'm not really a sports person. When people were talking about the SuperBowl, I had to ask, "Isn't that the thing that comes between all the funny commercials?" Haha. I also try to maintain a high sence of humor. I believe that's an important factor in helping keep people happy, which is, of course, a good thing.

Now I know that the idea of me being twenty would insinuate that I never served a mission. Well, I did. I served in the New York, New York South mission as one of the American Sign Language missionaries. I was sent home early, however, for medical reasons. It was hard, but we all knew it was the right thing. I have a strong belief in the gospel, but I believe that people are free to make their own decisions and aren't going to have their progression halted for little things. I do not smoke or drink or use vulger language, and if you do please pass by this add. Please, only active, good hearted LDS girls need apply. I hold my religous views as my top priority. I am an extremely emotional person, but don't let it show most of the time. Nights are sometimes a lonely time for me. In a relationship I am completely loyal. I love it when a girl I am with is affectionate, and when I think I have the greatest girl in the world, I'm going to show her off. When a girl isn't affectionate I get really worried that it means disinterest, so if after several dates you aren't willing to hold my hand and hug me in public, be ready for me to assume you aren't interested.

I think that's a fair bit of information. If you want to give me a call or shoot me a text, you are more than welcome. I know it says not to post my number, but I think that is my decision to make. The only time I won't pick up or reply is if I am at work or in the shower, and I will always respond as soon as possible. For the record, that does mean that I will answer my phone at 3 AM, regardless of who is calling. Also, if you feel email would be a better means of communication, you are welcome to. Your picture will earn you the right to mine (Only appropriate pictures, please.) Looking forward to hearing from you!
Ah, that is just classic.

I hope at least someone enjoyed those like I did, I may just be struggling for some entertainment in my life. Enjoy your conference weekend!


Jessica said...

PPPLLLEEAAASSEEE tell me you made that last one up. Please. Or hopefully someone else did it as a joke. Horrible. Haha, i did enjoy reading you post though.

Sarah Orme said...

So so FUNNY! My favorite is the girl that won't mail it and will only accept know that she has a fake diamond. So, i assume you're getting a car for texas (good luck with that) much do you want a friend to come a visit because i am dying for a road trip and i know mandi and kel are always in.

miss. you.

Kellee Marie Cook said...

I can't decide if I like the deaf missionary or the honest asian man better. amazing.

Brittany Olsen said...

HAHAHAHAHA oh man you were right! These are hilarious! no wonder you were crying laughing. My favorite is the man who wants to change graphic design for a whole list of specific things. oh and too bad that missionary didn't leave his number seeing as how I live in the same town as him haha : )

Tyler said...

I'm pretty sure the Asian guy is my Media Writing professor.

dallin said...

hahaha. the nights are an especially lonely time...woo wee. if i ever write a screen play, that line will be in it

Roxy said...

Lol. Yes she has to be American. Fast-track to citizenship? I don't any other reason for that to be such a high priority.

The missionary one is hilarious! So hugs and or holding hands counts as putting out? Odddd. If he feels he would have to "sit in the institute building for hours a day" to get someone interested and the only times he won't answer his phone is when he is "at work or in the shower" I have a feeling he must be a catch...