Monday, August 3, 2009

Pint for a Pint

This might be a little PG. Sorry Mom.

Today I donated blood. I’m a big fan of donating blood. I think I enjoy it because it is the only cool thing about never leaving the country and never having sex: you get to save lives…..kidding. But seriously, they ask so many ridiculous questions that seem to cover the same topic:

1: Were you in the UK between 1987 and 1996?
2: Have you spent time totaling over 3 years in the UK?
3: In the past 12 months have you traveled to the UK?

4: Did you receive a blood transfusion in the UK?


Questions 5-29: Repeat the above for 6 other countries.

30: Have you ever received drugs, money, or other payment for sex?
31: In the past 12 months have you had sex with someone that uses drugs?
32: If you are male have you ever had sex with another male?
33: In the past 12 months have you been pregnant?
34: Have you had sex with an individual that has had sex with an individual that uses drugs that has had sex with an individual who receives payment for sex?
35: Have you had sex…..ever?


HONESTLY?!? They just need two questions:

1: Have you ever left the country?
No (I would love to though).

2: Have you ever had sex?
No (And while you lift your jaw off the floor: I also don’t drink alcohol or coffee, 10% of my income goes to the LDS church, and I want to have children before I’m 35. Would you like a pass-along card?)

End of the interview; stick me with the needle please.

The other great thing about donating blood is FREE ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!! This isn’t a guarantee every time, but currently the ‘promo’ for donating blood is a pint for a pint. I feel like I’m selling my blood, but I’d do much than that for Blue Bell Ice Cream (see ‘other payment’ in Q30 above).

Not kidding, my roommate and I have gone through 2 gallons (going on 3) throughout the course of the summer. Disgusting, I know, but have you had the stuff? Frozen gold, sold at your local grocer (but not in all states…it’s a Texas thing). Every so often we get it at work (every so often = once a week) for birthdays and various other celebrations, and I have a hard time controlling myself. The weird thing is, I don’t even consider myself a big ice cream fan, especially not Vanilla, but Blue Bell has figured something out.

Anyway, I'm off to redeem my ice cream coupon and enjoy my All-American virginity.

NOTE: As not to discourage individuals from donating blood: you CAN save 3 lives with each blood donation if you are sexually active or travel outside the United States....you just have to read the questions a little more carefully.

7 comments:

Sara Jo said...

oh my gosh jenny you are so funny/spastic. how do you come up with these things?

Michelle said...

HAHAHAHAHA! I almost fell off my chair. I can´t quite describe how much I miss you. WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME?

dallin said...

Do you donate or do you sell? I'm not sure if I am comfortable with the idea of selling blood...seems corrupt. Funny blog Jenny, funny blog.

Stacey said...

you were right. hilarious! as always :)

Samip said...

Wow,you are a really confident lady. Keep up the spirit and you will take over the world some day.

The Yellow Dart said...

Update: You can now answer "Yes" to both questions.
And it's all my fault.

The Yellow Dart said...

And one more thing - you're welcome. Now go give blood, you sexy world traveling beast!