Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Loss

Why is it that when you don't blog you feel like you have dropped off the face of the earth?  Every day I tell myself “Just because I didn’t write it down (or snap a picture) doesn’t mean it didn’t happen,” but it never really gives me the comfort I need.  I want things written down.  I love seeing my life with serifs and spaces.

Recently my family had a tragedy.  And by family, I mean Kyle and myself.  When I came home from Vienna we bought a notebook (um, yes it was a Moleskine, how did you know?) and we each wrote things about life in it.  We wrote about wedding planning, and dreaming, and thinking, and the perfectness that is your own wedding day.  And as life went on we wrote about playing house (i.e. being married) and teaching Sunbeams and living in different states.  We each wrote different things—different details we noticed—different moments we enjoyed.  And I loved that notebook.  Every time I wrote something new, I would scan all the pages before it.  Always mentioning to Kyle, “I’m so glad we have this.”

And then we moved to Texas.

And somewhere in that transition, I've lost the notebook.

And Kyle does not know this, but it has made me cry so many, many times. 

Because the truth is I don’t really blog about the day-to-day, I scribble it on butter yellow pages with Signo .28 pens.

And losing those scribbles make my chest ache and eyes burn.  

But I am picking myself up, dusting myself off, and writing some more.  I have other notebooks.  And I have a blog.  And I have a life.

4 comments:

Breanna said...

Oh no. I am so sorry... I would have bawled for days.

Keep writing-- in all the forms at your fingertips. You've got a talent for capturing life on the pen and page.

Marianne said...

That's very sad. :-(

It might turn up one day, out of some random weird place...??

But I'm really glad you're blogging again!

Brianne said...

I'm sorry =( I have a dear friend from high school who I used to have a notebook with; we'd write each other letters every day. We grew very close through writing those letters. But as we grew older and left high school, we lost it somewhere -- each thought the other had it, and it was really sad when we realized it was lost. But life does go on, and there will be other notebooks. Good luck! =) I miss you, Jenny!

Harley said...

this is the saddest thing. :(